now i know why i became what i already was.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
