I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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