He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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