thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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