It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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