i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
