So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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