That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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