Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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