if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The best revenge is premature balding
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
