I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
