Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
