remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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