Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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