plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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