It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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