it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
