How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
