I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
