all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
