when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
