Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
