I cannot find my penis.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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