just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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