I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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