The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
