he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
