So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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