he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I believe in your delicious
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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