we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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