Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
