didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
