I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
