I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
