I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
too bad you live with your parents still
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
