I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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