i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
