Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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