this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
