You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
