I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So much rum. So many feels.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
