Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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