Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
