mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She said her name was "party"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize