we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
