So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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