So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
