Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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