College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
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