he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
