My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
