sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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