I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
