The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
